just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
