I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
