"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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