If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
