Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
