Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
