I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
