this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
