i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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