before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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