she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have aggressive nipples.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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