u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
