I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize