it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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