The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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