i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
