I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
