I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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