if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
