my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
