btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
