I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
