I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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