He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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