you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
