I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
