She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
