So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
