Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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