when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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