did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
