ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Who died my cat blue again?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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