as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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