I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
