my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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