My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
