wanna go halves on a baby?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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