Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
