I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
