I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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