Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is Oprah even human
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
