i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
