i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
