Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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