i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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