"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
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