Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
