he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
