During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
