I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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