i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
