as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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