True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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