The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
