take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
