They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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