I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize