shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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