I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
