My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
