If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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