i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize